As The Stomach Turns
Have you ever born witness to kids being persnickety about their food?
There are crusts on the bread of my PB&J! Blech! The peas and the potatoes are touching! Ewwwww! It has raisins in it! Ick!
You know what I mean.
Well, I admittedly was worse. I didn't have problems with crusts or my food touching, but I was a gourmand at a very early age. I categorically refused to let Wonder Bread pass between my lips. I despised the "pizza" at the elementary school cafeteria.
But, I don't think this was me being childishly fussy, as opposed to astoundingly epicurean before my time.
For example, I was always open to trying new ethnic foods (if we could find them on Long Island) and my favorite veggie was of all things asparagus. So, it's not that I didn't have an experimental palate - just a righteous one.
Today, I'm lucky enough to live in New York City, where I've had the opportunity to taste everything from fresh durian and cooked chicken feet in Chinatown to a spleen sandwich in the wilds of Carroll Gardens.
But, just to test my culinary curiousity, a friend recently sent me a link to a collection of Lakian recipes, a treasure trove of goodies that sounds like the dishes Mom would've made - if Mom were from HELL. Here are a couple of gruesome examples:
Archap:
For 1kg of not fat cottage cheese
200-300gr of oatmeal
150gr of clarified butter
salt
Not fat cottage cheese press thoroughly, rub through the mince or rub with hands, put to the warm place, cover with something warm. When the cottage cheese will begin to be yellow & smell, put it into the pan & melt. Put into the bowl with oatmeal & mix. Then cut small pieces with the fork, put into the butter & eat.
KhyaKhyary:
For 400gr of dried mutton tongue
1glass of wheat
1 glass of black peas
1 glass of beans
salt
Wet grains of wheat, black pea, beans in salty water throughout the night. Wash dried mutton tongue thoroughly, put into the pan with the wheat & boil till the readiness. Boil black peas & beans separately & add to the ready wheat, boil again, add salt & bring to readiness. You may change mutton tongue with the fried dried fat tail.
Now, I know I haven't tried any of these "delicacies," but I have to say this: Blech! Ewwwww! Ick!
Perhaps you too are hearing the strains of the song "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist" from Avenue Q running through your head right now. I don't blame you one bit. At the moment, the fact is that I am feeling a little bit prejudice against the palates of the Lak people.
However, in the name of fairness and international diplomacy, if someone wants to whip up a batch of Archap and let me know how it is, I'll attempt to keep an open mind. But, my gullet is staying firmly shut.